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Dear John (Creative Nonfiction)

11/12/2016

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I haven't posted anything on this blog in ages, but I recently found this piece, and decided to edit it a little and post it. - Fountain Pen Girl

It's a Saturday over two years after my “final goodbye.” It wasn't, not really — there were three more, because the only word you understand less than “love” is “goodbye”.


I look down at my feet, in a pair of well-worn heels, contemplating how much everything has changed.

I'm not the miserable girl you tricked me into thinking was happy. I'm happy, for real this time. I listen to what I want to. I spend time with who I want to. I wear what I want to, and I don't just do it out of spite like I did for a few weeks after the first goodbye. One of those items is heels.

And there are new people in my life, people I have healthy relationships with. They know me, and they care about me, including a wonderful girl I’ve been dating for over half a year. They've come up with creative names for you — the most fitting one being “Dear John Guy”.

The Stephen I gave my heart to on that fire escape in seventh grade — the Stephen who helped me overcome my anxiety, who cared about me and used my flaws to help our friendship grow — that Stephen isn’t you anymore. No, that name's too happy. You are John —  your first name, the one you shed because you didn’t want to share a first name with your father.

“Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home”. Every word of that song applies to what I went through. Except I was seventeen, not nineteen, during the worst of what you put me through, which makes it even worse.

I got out, but I have the scars to show for it. So, thanks for that. There are many words I’ve had for you —  friend, crush, teammate, 2016 Lonergan Award recipient, abuser who whacked me on the arm during a Mock Trial meet so hard that it formed a bruise… But now? Now, I haven’t heard from you for four months, but it’s like an eternity, because you mean nothing to me now.

And me? I was the girl who would either make or break you, and I broke you. I threw you into a tailspin of having no one you could rely on. Now you “joke” about setting fire to a room in our school, detailing how someone should get the matches and you'll get the gasoline. Sure, you expanded your social circle and found new people to worship you, but they’ll never put up with you without fear or hatred like I did before you turned on me. I was your “better half”, and I’m complete without you, but you're incomplete without me. And if what you told me is true, your entire life is blurring in front of your eyes now I'm not here.

How does that feel for a change?
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Answer Ten, Ask Ten Tag

8/24/2015

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So I was technically tagged for this on my Tumblr but login appears to be glitching for me right now and I want to get this part of my site up and running again....so here goes. I was tagged by the lovely liathewhovian, the girl behind Unshakesperean Productions and the What the Fluff Project. I happen to have written several fanfictions with her on the What the Fluff Project, so that is why a lot of these questions are fandom-oriented.

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Young Writers Have Nothing Meaningful to Say?

7/29/2014

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Warning: This post might end up in a bit of a rant. I have a lot to say about this topic. No real apologies, though.

Earlier this month, I went to a writer's camp at a university with a large number of other young writers. Of course, since the camp director wanted to persuade us to go to the university, they held a college panel with several graduates of the college, including an editor of a mildly famous magazine of the state the college was located in. 
Everything was going okay (although the majority of the people in the room were either too tired to properly focus on the presentation, or choosing not to focus on it because they wanted to play on their phones, read a book or write in a notebook instead) but then the editor started talking. Well, he'd actually been saying vaguely annoying and rude things and cutting off the other panelists for the majority of the presentation, but this was when the presentation really went downhill.

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Very Important Announcement Regarding Plagiarism

7/21/2014

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As a writer, I make an effort to write original pieces with original characters that do not infringe on anyone's intellectual property rights, and could not be considered plagiarism. I posted my work on various writing sites with the hope of getting feedback, keeping in mind the plagiarism policies on these various sites — all very strongly against plagiarism. 
For approximately three and a half years, this method has worked fine for me. I may have encountered characters who were similar tropes or works with similar concepts to my piece (for example, Ben in Aerin's Standing in Fire is kinda manipulative like Kaden in my story, but he's certainly an original character) but until yesterday, I have never been plagiarized.

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Liebester Award Nomination

7/1/2014

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My awesome blogger friend Fairley has nominated me for a Liebester Award! It's an award for relatively unknown bloggers, and it's all about building a community of like-minded, awesome, sweet bloggers. :) There are four rules:
  1. Each person must post 11 facts about themselves.
  2. Answer the questions your tagger posted for you, and create 11 questions for the people you tag.
  3. Choose 11 people, link them, and tell them about their new nomination.
  4. No tag backs!


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Themes and Lessons in Literature

3/23/2014

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This week has been a very, very philosophical one. First of all, I have English exams this week, and had to write a composition. I wrote about sacrifice in Harry Potter. Second of all, I have an English paper due Monday on the themes in books we've been reading (I'm totally not procrastinating by writing this blog post or anything.) Third of all, I just read a blog post by an author acquaintance I admire. All of these things have contributed to me thinking a lot about themes in books in general, but also in mine.

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Shadow Writing

2/5/2014

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This post contains spoilers for my novel Not Just a K-Girl. Please do not read this post unless you've read it!
Often, writers are asked how they got their ideas. How did you create that character? How did you come up with such a scary concept? Where the heck did that idea come from?
I can't speak for all writers, but it seems that for me, things that scare me or things that I'm just plain uncomfortable with — people, patterns of behavior, creepy situations — end up in my writing.
Google "shadows Carl Jung" and you'll find a theory that the things that disgust or horrify you the most are the things that you are trying to fight in yourself, or the things that you find worst about yourself. I definitely find some truth in this theory. 

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Paris's album booklet

2/2/2014

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After, uh, well, a year, I've finished the lyrics to all of the songs in my character Paris Dunlop's album Not Just a K-Girl! Today, I finished the "booklet" (I know. I love creating things for my characters.)
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probably a waste of time

12/29/2013

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I've made a fake facebook profile for the MC of my SCIL series, Paris.  (It takes a minute to load)
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If my characters came to life

11/12/2013

1 Comment

 
I'm sure every writer has fantasized/thought about it at some point...what would they do/what would happen if their characters came alive? Flip out, fall in love with them...who knows.
So without further ado, this is what I'd do if various characters in my projects came alive. (Hint: I might be running away because they'd probably want revenge on me for everything I put them through!) (Slight spoiler alert, for obvious reasons)

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    ME!

    I'm a teenage girl who likes writing novels. I enjoy exploring the relationships with characters, creating complex antagonists, and side characters who threaten to take over the plot of the series.. I'm a psychology/science geek who also likes writing and music as you can probably tell from my other blog. 

    Picture
    My blogger friend Fairley over at fairleysreviews.blogspot.com nominated me for this award!
    Aurora Sanders

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